Realisations; Looking forward and Back

    I came to a realisation today. Well, I say one realisation, I mean several. One is that it is only 8 weeks until I go to Camp America. The excitement is beginning to kick in. So much in fact that the other night I could not sleep and so stayed up all night researching the perfect typically American Camp films to get me in the mood.
Needless to say, I discovered that
A) not sleeping and then being expected to do a university presentation is neither fun or advisable
B) I have no idea what I am in for
C) American's love the English accent, so I'm sure to be a hit regardless of what I actually do

     Anyway onto my other realisations. I've discovered that after avoiding the scale for so long, that I've now gained enough to no longer be considered 'within the anorexic' weight category and I'm edging towards the lower end of the healthy weight zone! WA-BLOODY-HOO!
I bit the bullet today before training, terrified of what the number would be. For a girl who's trying to gain for health reasons, I was scared of that almost certain drop in weight that I have become too accustomed to seeing. I was scared I would have to edit my training plan or cut out things that I enjoyed doing. But it turns out I'm doing pretty damn well! Not as well as I could be doing, but then again, progress is progress.
I don't mind being the tortoise in this particular race.
Within this, I discovered something else about myself. I was scared that once I reached a stage where I was nearing healthy weight, that my past eating disorder tendencies would kick in and tell me to STOP and that I was far too big. What a load of rubbish. I've realised that I am far from happy with the shape of my body in fact and that I want to continue gaining. Past ED sufferer say what?!
I look in the mirror and still see weakness and areas that I am not satisfied with. Now I am not saying that I am striving for perfection, because in reality, what is perfection? Sorry for the very philosophical and deep meaningful question, but it's true. Who is to determine what perfection is and what is actually looks like?
All I know is that as many people have told me in the past, the scale doesn't matter and the number on the scale is in fact just that. A number. It does not define me or who I am.
Therefore, on this note, I will strive to be more and after following the journey of Francesca and her #teambemore I know that I can continue to fight and push through any bad days or negative thoughts!

     I also realised (I know that this is a lot of realisations to think about during the duration of a double spinning class haha), that this time last year, my mum was making a bet with me in the car. I remember this bet all too well. She said in her desperation for me to start getting better and see light, that she bet me that I couldn't turn my life around in a years time; that I'd have not managed to be happy, gain enough weight to no longer be considered 'anorexic' in doctors terms and that in fact I could be dead.
Harsh I know. But at the rate I was going, completely accurate.
It was also around this time last year in Newcastle, that Camp Leaders rang me to say that I was unfit and unable to leave the country on medical terms to go to Camp America and therefore my application was being suspended. I can clearly remember staring out of the window and simply standing in silence on the phone to my dad, unable to make conversation and unsure of what exactly to say.
I hated my eating disorder service in Newcastle, but one thing that stuck in my brain that I learnt whilst there, was the words that my therapist repeated twice a week to me when I went to see her.

'Adele, you need to reach BMI 16. That is our goal here. BMI 16.' 

I remember this so well, because she said it so damn often. Literally for months she tried to drill this into my head, but I refused to listen.
Now lookie!
My final realisation, was how far I have come. Yes, I have a long way to go and I don't think that it will be easy, but there is no doubt in my mind that I have over come a huge barrier!
Today I passed my lifeguard exam, meaning I am now completely qualified and ready to go to camp this summer.    

   So, I'm seeing the next 8 weeks as my 'stage and show prep'. Granted, I'm not in fact competing in any form of body or bikini competition, but I will be in a costume on a daily basis and so I want to look strong and healthy, to set a good example to the campers! I have 8 weeks to get fit and strong. To bulk up and gain muscle, so I'm ready for the next adventure (sorry for the corny finish, but it is completely true!)

Now

Accepting who you were, are and will become- 

    I guess that it is quite easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people, or doing things just to please others or make them think a certain way.
As many mental illnesses do, eating disorders have a nasty habit of making you believe that you are inadequate and that other people are better than you. You find yourself comparing everything you do to others; the way you look, the amount you eat, how much exercise you do, how successful you are.
I know this, because I did it. Alot.
I didn't want people to see me as the poorly and anorexic girl and so instead I made this bubble around me, in an attempt to convince others that I was 'normal' and in some ways to convince myself too.
My Facebook has over 1200 photos of me, half of which I untagged at some stage due to how horrendous I looked, but the idea of having these photos and having over 1000 friends (half of whom I've never held a conversation with in my life) seemed to protect me. Made me feel less isolated and more involved. Far from the truth obviously.

     Though I've tried many times to reduce this number, I always found myself accepting people who I had a couple of mutual friends with, because I thought it would make me look more popular and less of a social isolation. I realised though, that at least half of these people, I would never talk to and that throughout being poorly and recovering, I wanted to hide this part of myself from so many people. I lost many of my closest friends due to my illness and I've come to see that if I can't trust them or can't face them knowing the truth about what I've gone through for fear of them not accepting me, then I don't want to be friends with them.
After all, Facebook friends, it's hardly accurate!

  This year though, I am doing things differently and starting about not necessarily recreating, but reminding myself who I was before my eating disorder. So this week, I set about (sounds like I was going on an extreme journey) a Facebook clear-out.
I deleted hundreds of photos, removed hundreds of friends, got rid of thousands of 'liked pages' that I thought would instantly make me one of a group. And it felt amazing.  I'll probably sort through my Facebook even more. Of the people I actually knew, they were often toxic to me, or I didn't really like their company when I did meet them. Why should I pretend to be friends with more people than I actually am? That seems really silly now. Friends and popularity and drunken photos and thousands of likes, looking a certain way and acting to please others does not equal happiness or acceptance. The only people you should look for acceptance from are your family and of course yourself. If you can accept yourself, then others should go out of their way to accept you too.

  A lady who has been truly inspiring throughout my recovery is Francesca, from 'Francesca's Fit Kitchen'. Once a girl who suffered from anorexia, who has managed to transform her life through sheer determination, hard work and persistence and is now a strong and beautiful woman on the road to becoming a pro-athlete and competing on stage in a few weeks.
After speaking to Francesca (http://francescasfitkitchen.com/) she sent me this and I think it's bob on and
really hits home.

''Excellent post! Can't stand Facebook! So important to be comfortable with u without needing over people's approval. Once u establish happiness comes from within then u and only u can control ur own happiness! It's quite the gift''.

Definitely something I want to live by from now on! If I can't accept myself and who I have become, then how can I in anyway attempt to kick this illness fully? I can't say that I am happy about what my illness did to me, but there is no denying it. It happened and I think now I have to make the best of the situation and strive to become a better person because of it! Onwards and upwards!

Do what you love and don't for one minute feel guilty for it

I saw this photo and after thinking about it, I couldn’t have put it any better.

When I look back at the things I used to enjoy before I developed anorexia (I hate the word ‘developed’, but I can’t think of another to use in its place), a lot of them were typical and extremely generic, things that most people like to do in their spare time and do as a way of relaxing. I had no problem going to the cinema and watching films, I enjoyed spending time with my family and friends and at one point I remember sitting in all weekend and watching a Gossip Girl-athon with my best friend at the time. 

   Don’t get me wrong, I was an extreme busy body, hating to be sat down and doing nothing and always looking for something to do. But sitting still and doing what I enjoyed or just taking time for me, wasn’t something that I saw as lazy or particularly ‘wrong’. I loved art and drawing and I found sitting down with my sketch book and doodling away to my heart’s content extremely therapeutic.
Sport and exercise were hobbies and passions. Doing what I liked and having the freedom to choose to do what I enjoyed was a privilege and definitely something that I took for granted. I was extremely independent and I guess that having this control over what I did, was something I always have strived to achieve and return to throughout my recovery.

    I have always loved travelling to and find it really exciting to go to new places and see new things. I think this is why I love the above photo so much. It reminds me of a holiday to Canada.
Something I have always wanted to do, is Camp America. I applied last year to be a camp counsellor and after getting through several stages, the doctors put a stop to it, by reminding me and the camps that I was in no physical state of health to leave the country. Yet again, my ‘freedom’, was non-existent. Anorexia has a selfish and nasty habit of stealing everything that you love and almost making you forget who you are. You lose your identity and I often found myself thinking that I was just another one on the list of many at the hospital who was suffering. 

    When I got poorly, as to be expected this all changed. I found that other people decided what I could and couldn’t do for me and all sense of independence was lost. I found doctors telling me I couldn’t do sport, I couldn’t go on family walks, I wasn’t allowed to walk up stairs and instead had to take the lift for fear of exerting too much energy. It felt like I was being stripped of anything that made me ‘me’. I felt like a liar when people asked me in my later years of sixth form what I enjoyed doing and I told them sport, because ultimately I couldn’t do it. On holiday, I remember having to limit the amount that I did with my family, for fear I would just keel over and die on the spot through exhaustion. I didn’t have the energy to enjoy myself or do what I loved. I simply wanted to be sat on my own and just absorb myself in my own destructive thoughts.
  
   Now, I can safely and gladly say that I am learning to appreciate things that I used to love again. I’ve started drawing again, in my spare time. I am more social, choosing to go out and meet people rather than sitting in my room, consumed by horrid thoughts and boredom.
I go to the gym and play hockey again. And I have no problem sitting and watching a film at the cinema, in fact I love Orange Wednesdays for students (£2.50 cinema ticket anybody?!) and try to go as much as possible!
I still hate sitting still and I’m slowly retraining myself to actually take a minute to stop and relax. I find that when I do sit still for a minute, I get quite anxious and worry, but I think I’m slowly learning to just chill the heck out. I’ve finished my Gossip Girl box set which is sort of a triumph and a loss (now what am I meant to do with myself!) I’m also well enough to go to Camp America this year!
I plan on doing charity runs and taking on challenges to show how far I have come. And the reason? Because I love and enjoy doing things like this.
So it’s proof that recovery is worth it and that you can regain control of your life. It won’t stay like that forever if you are proactive and want to change. 

    All in all, I think the quote says it all. Doing what you enjoy is definitely freedom. Some argue that doing nothing and just slobbing out is freedom, but for me it was never about that. Freedom is doing what you want to do out of choice. Then, liking what you do certainly makes you happy. I think this is such a good thing to live by!
Oh and if anybody has any suggestions as to another trashy box set I can get into, feel free to give me a shout!!
     
                                                                     xxxx

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week-

        For those of you who don’t know, this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week and in honour of this I want to post a before and during shot. I don’t want to use the word after, as I know that I am far from having recovered completely, but I feel I am the right path now.

     On the top row, are two photos of me at possibly my lowest weight; bones visible, limp hair, pale skin, severely unhappy and despite the smiles going through a stage of severe depression. I was diagnosed with anorexia about three and half years ago and it is safe to say that it is three and half years of my life I will never get back. Ironically those photos were taken on a ‘happy family summer holiday’ in France and although I may be smiling, I remember being constantly hungry, always worrying about food, pushing myself to exercise, not eating, feeling lonely and yet craving to be alone and with others at the same time. 

Anorexia is a cold and cruel disease which kids you into thinking you are okay. It does not want you to recover and let go of whatever vice is has over you. I remember being told all the time that I was severely poorly and even when they threatened me with hospital on several occasions, I refused to believe that I was worth their time, effort and didn't need any help. When my blood levels reached a critically low state, they were ready to take me to hospital there and then, again I refused.
Last year in Northumbria, the majority of my  ‘social life’ was visiting the hospital and eating disorder service five times a week for blood tests and check-ups and sadly, the people I saw most of and therefore talked to the most were my doctors/therapists and dietician, who I really did not like. So much for the ultimate student life.
      The disease tore away friends and drove me away from loved ones, who I didn't want to see me getting worse and therefore became a shell of a person, unresponsive and unwilling to socialise or to simply spend time with others. Who needed friends, I had myself and my control.
It took away my sport, my hockey team, my fit and healthy body and most importantly, I lost my best friend over it.

         I hated food and it consumed my every waking hour, whether it was worrying about what I was going to eat, fretting over eating in public, trying not to eat, feeling guilty when I did eat, obsessing over recipes that I was never going to try. It became a taboo in my household and even when I moved away to Northumbria, I felt like I was in a constant battle with trying to eat what I thought was a ‘healthy’ diet and eating too much. I wasn't allowed to exercise in my first year. I secretly did aerobics/yoga/HITT training in my bedroom but it was nowhere near what I was used to and so I didn't eat. I refused to eat as I didn't think I warranted eating more than anybody else. My food was bland and tasteless, cutting out interesting tastes, essential fats, limiting my carbohydrate intake and relying on boring sources to get me by.
I refused to eat out with friends and I was completely obsessed with eating at rigid times. Because I had nothing else to plan. It was a sad time.

       The photos on the bottom of the first post are more recent (the last month or so). One is one a night out with my hockey friends and the other is after receiving my Camp America Offer. Last year I was too poorly to do either and Camp America even refused my application. See, this alone is proof that it can get better!
Now, I am glad to say that I am in a better place. I transferred universities, made new friends and started to regain control over MY life. That’s right. It’s my life. I am allowed to exercise, train again, I choose to go out and socialise and my mum says that spark and glimmer or life is returning.  I have reintroduced so many once fear foods into my diet, challenging myself on my Instagram with my hash-tag #challengeaday and I have begun to realise that eating healthily is far from what I was doing originally.
 I know how important it is to take care of myself mentally and physically and as I aspire to gain weight and grow stronger, I know that sadly there will be many girls out there discovering that anorexia is becoming a ‘friend’ to them.

   If I can inspire just one person, I would be honoured and over the moon. Choosing recovery is not easy, but it is sure as hell worth it. Choose to live and choose to be happy and healthy and I promise you won’t regret it!

    I want to thank the people who have stuck by me throughout this time. Those who have known me before my eating disorder and those who are new faces in my life now. I am appreciative and extremely humbled that you choose to show me care and attention when I was hurting myself so badly. 

                                                                                                                 xxx

    Progress & Going Above & Beyond

          When I looked up the definition of the word 'progress', thousands of Google sites came up, all pretty much telling me the same thing. 

prog·ress  (prŏg′rĕs′, -rəs, prō′grĕs′)

n.

1. Movement, as toward a goal; advance.

2. Development or growth: students who show progress.

3. Steady improvement

    So, why, when the words definition is so clear and similar no matter where we look, is progress so different for each individual person? Throughout my eating disorder and my recovery, I've been told SOOOO many times that I was not making significant progress. Every time I went to the doctors and they told me that I had lost weight or went to a stressful family meal and had the same 'safe' option, I was deemed a failure. This wasn't just be the doctors or family and friends, in fact the one person that criticized me the most was in fact myself.
This is probably the case for most people who have experienced an eating disorder or any sort of illness (mental or physical). No matter what you do, the eating disorder tells you that you are never good enough and that you will never succeed. You start to make links between yourself and certain catastrophe.
Self perception and thoughts about yourself become distorted.

    I find that I became a perfectionist and was seriously disappointed with anything I did unless it was perfect. I would exercise until exhaustion or until I had a certain time or burnt a certain number of calories, because if I didn't, I was a failure. If I ate more or felt hungry, then I was definitely a let-down to the anorexic 'name'. School work and coursework had me on edge and staying up all hours of the night to complete it, but as I was so exhausted, I was in no state to complete it to the best of my ability.

I was told I was no longer able to play hockey as I was a danger to myself. Gaining weight made me a poor excuse. Loosing weight, even more so.
I made no progress. I was not successful.

     However, now, during recovery, I am slowly but surely beginning to see improvements. For example, this year after transferring to Manchester University, I've scored three firsts in my work and assessments. I've been accepted back onto playing for a hockey team. I've made SIGNIFICANT progress with my food, cooking and challenging certain food fads and myths that my eating disorder created. I've began to reintroduce food groups, try new things and on my instagram you'll see I often post a #challengeaday photo, in which I have challenged something that used to be considered a fear food.

I will now eat out with my family (although I like to know where we are going first), I find that I am no longer as rigid or afraid. It's eating out and meant to be enjoyable for crying out loud....WHY DID I THINK THAT THIS SCENARIO WAS CERTAIN DOOM IN THE PAST!?!

At the gym/training, for the first time today, I managed to leg press a considerable amount more than my body weight and it felt great.

I've become more social. More willing to go out. More willing to live like a normal 20 year old.

       I think what I am trying to get at, is that people progress in different ways. For some, progress is very quick and obvious. For others it is more drawn out and a struggle. Many think that getting a new PB at the gym is a progress; for others, simply learning to live and enjoy life again is.
I became sick of being told and telling myself that I was a failure. And I think what I want to tell people is that IT GETS MUCH EASIER! I struggled for three years and it is hard and does test you and every emotion/relationship/positive feeling you may have, but recovering is SOOOO worth it!
I am proud of myself for getting this far and look forward to progressing even more in the future. I am also incredibly proud of all the other eating disorder 'soldiers' (as we call ourselves) who strive to be a better person and to regain control.

 xxx

Road To Accepting Your Body

There are so many problems with an eating disorder. So many in fact, that listing them would be a ridiculous chore that would bore you all and would make me extremely unhappy to re-read as I'm no longer dwelling on the past. 'Hakuna Matata' as they say in the Lion King (I am not ashamed to admit that it is one of my favourite films to date). It happened, I can't change it, I can just learn from it.

One of the main problems is how distorted your body image and opinion of yourself becomes. Over time you gradually begin to hate every aspect of yourself and it becomes dangerously depressing and upsetting. 

I am no exception. I hated how I looked, and yet, despite this, my eating disorder was not driven by the need to loose weight to be skinnier. I genuinely thought what I was doing was healthy and benefiting my body, that ironically, I was becoming stronger. I could not see the damage I was doing interally or externally.

Now I know better or I at least like to think that I am learning to appreciate myself more. That's not to say that I don't have bad days, as we all do. But, I am beginning to realise that food is fuel and that it is much more important to be a nice person and enjoy life than to be driven by striving for perfection (what is perfection anyway?!) I don't like taking selfies or pictures of myself unless I am with friends and either having a brilliant time, doing something worthwhile or pulling a purposely ridiculous face.
But the other day at the gym I took this photo, to show myself the difference that leading a healthier lifestyle can make. 

On the left, is a photo from Summer 2012 in France, at the height of my eating disorder. As you can probably tell, I am the very poorly looking, extremely thin girl in the middle on the back row. I was engrossed with the illness, forcing myself to do lots of physical activity even on holiday whilst eating next to nothing. I was physically and mentally exhausted all the time, slept badly, had weak limp hair, few friends and generally very unhappy and lonely. My bones were weak, my legs obviously didn't meet, I bruised easily and was emotionally unstable and diagnosed as depressed.
On the right, is about a week and a half ago after a gym training session. Granted, I am stood at a different angle, but I think there is definitely a considerable difference. Not only am I getting to be more happy in myself and developing a better lifestyle, I am now allowed to to more exercise again, eat a better diet, have more friends/social life and just feel about twenty times more positive! I find it hard to see progress and accept that I am doing well.

I still have a long way to go, but I think the message I want to put out is that there is hope. If you want something bad enough, it is possible and although it took me so much longer to discover than it should have, I am glad I came to make the decision to change and start reliving my life! My body will change, it won't fit in all of the same clothes anymore, I will have down days, but do you know what, this is completely normal and not to be afraid of! I should embrace positive change rather than fear it!

xxx

My rekindling of my love of cooking

So on this blog, I'd like to start by saying that I have rekindled a love of cooking throughout my recovery. 

It's fact that when a person suffers from an eating disorder, they become engrossed in food, and obsessed by it, convincing themselves they love to cook when really it is simply a way of controlling what they eat.

I used to tell my mum that I didn't want her to cook for me and that I wouldn't eat at the same time as them, 'because I loved to make my own food'. Really this was a way of being secretive and an easy way to eat less. I found it easier to tell her this, than to say that I didn't want to eat what she made as the thought of the unknown scared me.

However, now I find that I genuinely love to cook again. I love trying to make new things, experimenting with recipes and although my food is not necessarily always gourmet standard, I think that I am becoming more imaginative and trying new things!

I like posting foodie photos, there I said it. There is no point in lying! In fact, I get a pleasure out of posting a photo of something that I put effort into making and seeing that others appreciate it and want to try it too.

Hence, on my blog, I want to take the opportunity to post the recipes and photos of things I make, not only so I can remember what went well and what didn't, but so that if by any chance others want to try and make it, they can!

     Alright, this time, I am back and really dedicated to keeping on top of this blog! I've also changed my outlook on my blog and I will be using my time to record and show my journey through my recovery from an eating disorder.
This is quite hard to admit, especially online and in such a public manner, however, for the past four years, I have suffered from quite a serious case of anorexia and exercise obsession.
Without going into the nitty gritty of things, it truly was a horrific period of my life, with awful memories and it was a time that I'd rather forget rather than relish in and remember. Saying that, it happened and it isn't something that I can just erase and despite saying I'd rather it didn't happen, the fact is that it did and that now I have to learn and grow as a result. I have goals, ambitions and things that I want to achieve. I don't want to be controlled by such an ugly force anymore and I am taking positive steps to a better future.

     I will use my entries to this blog, to show progress, recipes, regaining a sense of normality and generally enjoying my life once more! So in this quick entry, I don't want to rabbit on as I am sure that in the future I will look into my eating disorder more and I will begin to realise things about myself once more. I've met some truely amazing people, that I am sure you will hear more about, but for now I want to keep it short and sweet.

    Anything I post on here, will more than likely be on my Instagram, so I'd love you to follow me on there!
                                                                                  xxx

I think it's nearly summer time!! Which can mean only one thing. It's that time of year that I successfully manage to get sunburnt regardless of the country, climate or factor 50 children's suncream that I apply. I think after 19 years,  I have to face the fact that I am about as likely to achieve a natural sun tan as a mole rat that lives underground in the Antarctic. My skin just isn't able to bronze. It does go a lovely shade of lobster though! I've managed to burn in the Shetland Island's and the northern most parts of Scotland in winter in the past and so I should have guessed that the first glimpse of summer sun we got,  my skin would too decide to react similarly. CUE THE SUNBURN!

If anybody has any good suggestions for suncream for me, I would gladly take them. As for the three weeks in France planned at the end of July; pray for me readers.

One thing I genuinely love about summer time, is the tonnes of books that authors seem to release! My inner book worm rejoices every summer. I love taking stacks of books away with me and feeling more intellectual and superior to the fellow Brit sat next to me who is reading Heat or Closer magazine and indulging in a story about how a man was born with five nipples on his back. However, I don't enjoy deciding which books to take with me or finding a good book. I hate reading other people's reviews due to personal taste.
The entire world seemed to go mad for the Fifty Shades series, whereas I can think of much better things to do than read about people being tied up and forced to act out fantasy sex scences. This is not good reading. This is just socially acceptable porn.Also, I find it hard to read a book after watching a film. I loved the Les Miserables film, read the reviews for the book, bought the book, could not for the life of me get into the book (1330 pages of ridiculously long names and sentences without commas. My brain needs a breather too!!) I'm going to challenge myself to finish Les Mis over this summer time though. My brain could do with the workout, and who knows, once I've finished that, I may be up for the next level of challenging reads;
The Bible.

Genuinely scared at the prospect of starting this beast.

Finally, I canny wait for my friends to come home from various universities and we can start our daytrips and plans for summer. My friend Julia and I make lists every year of all the amazingly cool and exciting things that  could/can/should only be done by amazingly cool and exciting people that we obviously are.
These plans almost always never get done and at the end of the summer we are left with a depressingly unfulfilled list of amazingly cool and exciting things we have yet again failed to achieve.

So that's another goal of mine....finish at least 5 of the 40 things that I have planned since last summer.

Not one of the things on that list states dressing up as a member of One Direction, however, I did it anyway, so I have to upload a photo to show you. It's a once in a lifetime occurrence; I promise.

Definitely think One Direction should find space for two new members

Adele x

I have officially returned home to Manchester! I moved out of my flat in Newcastle and carted my massive load of stuff home with me. My family are thrilled. My mum cried with joy upon my arrival. My sister's had decorated the house with banners. The street practically threw a festival to welcome me home.

 HAHAHA!

Don't make me laugh. I got ignored by one of my sisters and the other was quick to make it clear that my services and company would only be needed to drive her places. It's good when you feel loved and appreciated.

My Dad's Beast car stuffed full of my stuff

I have also found it increasingly difficult to  find things to do to entertain myself. I'm not used to having so much spare time and being expected to relax and do nothing is completely out of my nature! I've even resorted to offering to clean my sisters bedroom to try and relieve the boredom. It's safe to say I've reached a certain level of desperation. To try and entertain myself, I have been to the cinema three times in the past four days. I think that's a record for me. To be fair, I think that would be a record for quite a few people! I've seen The Great Gatsby, The Hangover Three and The Big Wedding and I have to say that I've been pretty darn impressed by all of them (especially the wedding one- who knew a film about a dysfunctional family and old people having affairs could be so amusing?!)

The Great Gatsby soundtrack is mind boggling. Yes it is practically all done by Jay-Z and yes, some people would argue that mixing classic twenties jazz with dubstep and modern dance beats is just pointless, but I have to disagree. I am not a major party animal and often, I can't be bothered getting dressed up and going out with very drunk people on a night out that you aren't likely to remember is potentially painful and even more so the morning after. But the GG soundtrack made me want to dance. I wanted to shake 'ma tail feathers! Which leads me onto the costume and colour. I do not envy whoever had to sew on all of those sequins!

Now anyone who knows me well, will know that I am in love with Bradley Cooper and I have no problem in admitting this. I think it could be his beautiful eyes, or perhaps its that accent that is so calm and collected and yet so damn sexy? Whatever it is, that man has got the gooooooooods! If he was your dad, you would be heartbroken with the fact that it would be seen as socially wrong to fancy him: I wonder if the children of attractive actresses and actors have this problem? Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my dad, but the idea of fancying him because of his looks.......

Let's not go there thank-you! 

I'd love to know, how hot your dad would have to be for you to fancy him. Examples would be nice!

Adele x