Accepting who you were, are and will become- 

    I guess that it is quite easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people, or doing things just to please others or make them think a certain way.
As many mental illnesses do, eating disorders have a nasty habit of making you believe that you are inadequate and that other people are better than you. You find yourself comparing everything you do to others; the way you look, the amount you eat, how much exercise you do, how successful you are.
I know this, because I did it. Alot.
I didn't want people to see me as the poorly and anorexic girl and so instead I made this bubble around me, in an attempt to convince others that I was 'normal' and in some ways to convince myself too.
My Facebook has over 1200 photos of me, half of which I untagged at some stage due to how horrendous I looked, but the idea of having these photos and having over 1000 friends (half of whom I've never held a conversation with in my life) seemed to protect me. Made me feel less isolated and more involved. Far from the truth obviously.

     Though I've tried many times to reduce this number, I always found myself accepting people who I had a couple of mutual friends with, because I thought it would make me look more popular and less of a social isolation. I realised though, that at least half of these people, I would never talk to and that throughout being poorly and recovering, I wanted to hide this part of myself from so many people. I lost many of my closest friends due to my illness and I've come to see that if I can't trust them or can't face them knowing the truth about what I've gone through for fear of them not accepting me, then I don't want to be friends with them.
After all, Facebook friends, it's hardly accurate!

  This year though, I am doing things differently and starting about not necessarily recreating, but reminding myself who I was before my eating disorder. So this week, I set about (sounds like I was going on an extreme journey) a Facebook clear-out.
I deleted hundreds of photos, removed hundreds of friends, got rid of thousands of 'liked pages' that I thought would instantly make me one of a group. And it felt amazing.  I'll probably sort through my Facebook even more. Of the people I actually knew, they were often toxic to me, or I didn't really like their company when I did meet them. Why should I pretend to be friends with more people than I actually am? That seems really silly now. Friends and popularity and drunken photos and thousands of likes, looking a certain way and acting to please others does not equal happiness or acceptance. The only people you should look for acceptance from are your family and of course yourself. If you can accept yourself, then others should go out of their way to accept you too.

  A lady who has been truly inspiring throughout my recovery is Francesca, from 'Francesca's Fit Kitchen'. Once a girl who suffered from anorexia, who has managed to transform her life through sheer determination, hard work and persistence and is now a strong and beautiful woman on the road to becoming a pro-athlete and competing on stage in a few weeks.
After speaking to Francesca (http://francescasfitkitchen.com/) she sent me this and I think it's bob on and
really hits home.

''Excellent post! Can't stand Facebook! So important to be comfortable with u without needing over people's approval. Once u establish happiness comes from within then u and only u can control ur own happiness! It's quite the gift''.

Definitely something I want to live by from now on! If I can't accept myself and who I have become, then how can I in anyway attempt to kick this illness fully? I can't say that I am happy about what my illness did to me, but there is no denying it. It happened and I think now I have to make the best of the situation and strive to become a better person because of it! Onwards and upwards!